There are so many ridiculous Just For Men commercials, from the one where the little girls beg their dad to get out there and start dating again (then creepily ask for all the details when he gets home) to the one where the office worker rides a zipline using his tie in order to dye his hair and impress some clients. Get some self esteem, old dudes!
But this one has to be the most ridiculous. It’s like a scene out of a wacky teen movie, except instead of a 19-year old hottie it stars a middle aged loser.
Nowadays, if an advertisement even remotely suggests that using it is any less comfortable than getting a blow job from Jesus himself, it doesn’t air. But back in the early 90s, according to this commercial for an epilator called Epilady, you could come right out and say that not only was it mildly uncomfortable to use the product, it was downright painful! They even reinforce this notion with a catchphrase at the end, “No pain no gain, right?” Things have certainly changed on Madison Avenue.
I’m not sure if they were inspired by the popularity of Whoopi Goldberg’s ad campaign for Poise, where she dresses up like a bunch of different historical and mythological figures and talks in weird accents to get the point across that it’s OK to be incontinent, but Depend has gotten a makeover. This new line of Depend Underwear certainly is a world away from your grandmother’s bulky pee pants. They look more like panties, with cute patterns and colors and a discreet package. Nice!
There are only two odd things about this new product and the accompanying ad campaign. First, the product concept totally works for women, but for men I’m a bit dubious. Here is the men’s version:
The packaging and the colors/patterns are fine, but do men really wear little panties like that? If I were designing this product, I’d make the legs a bit longer, like a boxer brief, so that they looked less like, you know, briefs. A lot of dudes flat out refuse to wear briefs.
As for the ad campaign, it seems oddly geared towards working professionals instead of old people in nursing homes. Are there really that many middle aged teachers, fathers and business owners wetting themselves? Ew. And in regard to the first video below, if you’re really peeing yourself on a semi-regular basis, I would think your son would already know about it.
I usually loathe ads for tampons and the like, because they’re so ridiculous, with the blue liquid and the dreamy beach scenes and girls having a great time being on their periods. But Kotex’s new ad for its youth-oriented U by Kotex line, entitled “Reality Check,” mocks these conventions in a funny way, and so I don’t hate it.
This isn’t the first time U by Kotex has made a funny ad…check out this beaver-themed series from Australia.
If somebody came up to me in an airport and started talking about my colon, instead of engaging in a conversation with them, I’d probably just try to get away as quickly as possible. And how sad is it that this woman is going to be known as “The Colon Lady” for the rest of her life?
I have always enjoyed Herbal Essences‘ fine line of haircare products, and now that they’ve revealed their new slogan, I like them even more. At the end of the commercial below, in regard to a hair product user with newly fabulous hair, the narrator says “Someone’s been doing the herbal” (and I’m guessing it’s whoever came up with this ad campaign). What’s more, the phrase appears on the screen to confirm that, yes, this is a slogan and not just a passing joke.
So pothead humor is being used to sell shampoo. If it were hemp shampoo I’d understand, but as of right now, the tactic seems a little random. Decide for yourself!
This ad is just plain confusing. The company appears to be selling regular toothbrushes, but calling them revolutionary. And at $14.95 for 4 (not including shipping), they’re more expensive than far superior brushes you can buy pretty much anywhere. What the hell were the makers of The Easy Toothbrush thinking? They would get laughed out of the Dragons’ Den in five minutes.
This Thai commercial for some sort of toothpaste is sort of messed up. It seems like it’s going to be a sad PSA about how we shouldn’t be racist, but then the main character goes to sleep on a giant toothbrush, and I start wondering if it’s a Michel Gondry movie or something. The ending explains it all, but in a pretty demeaning way.
This (French?) condom ad was apparently banned at some point. Maybe because it could cause kids to start doing things like bring chainsaws to school and put cats in the dryer (although Alf spent years glamorizing the latter activity). Anyway, it’s a funny ad. Enjoy!
This is just gross. I don’t know what this so-called RepHresh actually does, but I guess it’s supposed to restore your lady parts to their natural glory. The suggestions for when you should use it, i.e. “after sex…after douching,” are just priceless. But still, ew.
I absolutely love David Lynch and his fine films, but you have to wonder who would assign him the task of directing ads for Clear Blue Easy pregnancy tests. Anyone who’s seen Eraserhead knows that, in David’s hands, pregnancy is no less than a terrifying gurney ride to hell. I keep expecting a monster baby to jump out of this lady’s stomach or something.
P.S. I was originally searching for the new Clear Blue ad where the female narrator says, “hoping for a baby?” or something like that, because the way she says “baby” reminds me a lot of those semi-funny SNL sketches with Madonna and Angelina Jolie saying “baby” over and over. If you find it, send a tip my way!
Lovable Bruce Campbell, of Evil Dead fame, has done a lot of good work in his life. But you probably don’t remember his short stint as an Old Spice pitchman. Check it.
These female-targeted ads for the razor brand Schick really pull no punches. They use such obvious metaphors for the bikini zone (stroking a cat, trimming the hedges, a pot of tulips between a woman’s legs) that you wonder why they don’t just say what they mean. I came across these ads when I noticed the following print ad for the Schick Quattro in a magazine I was reading:
Yikes! Anyway, the TV ads are equally ridiculous. Observe!
Remember that SNL sketch where Christopher Walken interviews a centaur for a job, and asks him all sorts of absurd centaur-related questions? And remember how the centaur character makes reference to using a specially made ass wiper? Here’s a bit of the dialogue to refresh your memory: Boss: How do you reach back there.. to wipe yourself?
Centaur: Uh.. there is a device we use, it’s called an Aubesian – it’s a stainless steel telescoping rod, with gripper claws, and a sort of toggle line that allows you to move the paper back and forth.
Boss: So.. there’s a company that manufactures Centaur asswipers?
Centaur: Aubesians, yes. Um.. there’s a store that’s a sort of crate-and-barrel for Centaurs, called Aubesians & Such.. there’s one on 57th Street.
Ha ha ha, brilliant. But anyway, some fool company actually started making Aubesians! And they had to pick the worst name ever for it, “Comfort Wipe.” I say if you’re not a centaur but you’re simply a fat or lazy human, you have no excuse. Wipe your own damn ass. And if you’re paralyzed, you probably already have a colostomy bag or nurse assistant for that purpose. So there’s no excuse.
P.S. I also love the actors in this piece. The fat guy says there are some “advantages” to being obese, and the woman who talks about dignity has the best accent ever. Plus, if the real problem is that toilet paper is disgusting and archaic, a TP holder won’t help you. Get a bidet!
