I regret that I was unable to locate a video clip of the Nestle Pure Life bottled water commercial that’s been playing on TV lately. It’s pretty good. The narrator jokingly goes over the different ways we play with water during the summer, and then somehow uses that to justify drinking their bottled water. They say things like, “you wouldn’t dive into a pool of high fructose corn syrup.” Well, maybe I would, Nestle! Maybe that’s my favorite activity: draining my outdoor pool, filling it with bottle after bottle of corn syrup, and then diving on in. And what of it?

I really like the idea of running a different kind of liquid through your sprinklers, which they also suggest. I would use beer, clearly. Sure it would be a waste of beer, but what a delicious waste indeed.