Now I’ve seen everything! Just now I was enjoying a fine episode of The View on Hulu when an ad started playing, as will often happen when I’m trying to watch online videos. I was prepared to lower the volume and look away to avoid being subjected to yet another car ad when suddenly I spotted out of the corner of my eye something I really didn’t expect.

The ad in question was for Coffee Mate, which I find to be delicious. But the scene in question, just a brief shot (around the 14 second mark), was not of a thirty-something woman cuddling up with a cat or sipping her coffee thoughtfully in a bay window. No, it was a direct reference to one of my favorite scenes in the influential French New Wave film Band of Outsiders (French title: Bande à part) by Jean-Luc Godard! If you’ve seen the film, you’ll remember the notable scene where the trio of protagonists performs a choreographed dance in a café while the narrator discusses what they’re thinking about. Well, here they are dancing the exact same dance and dressed in period outfits, and the actress playing the Anna Karina role really does resemble her! But why are there two people and not three? Oh well, can’t win ‘em all. Maybe the threesome implications of the film were too daring for modern audiences?

Anyway, here is the ad, and below it the original scene.

I really like the new White Castle pulled pork sandwiches, and I hope they stay on the menu for a while. I also kind of like the TV commercial for these sandwiches. It’s a takeoff on the classic Flashdance stripping scene, but instead of Bette from The L Word it’s a sexy pig getting drenched in BBQ sauce. Kind of creepy, but also pretty well done. You can compare the ad (below) with the original Flashdance scene (at the 4:15 mark in the second video below), if you like.

White Castle pulled pork ad

Flashdance Part 1 (water dance scene at 4:15)

This commercial for Broadview Security starts out like a normal commercial, with a girl turning away a date at the door, citing the fact that she just got out of a bad relationship, and going inside. She could easily be about to indulge in a single-serving microwave brownie or some Dove chocolate. But then things turn plain frightening!

With all the drama in this minute-long ad, you might think you’ve stumbled upon Jennifer Lopez’s fine domestic violence-themed B-movie classic “Enough,” but you’d be wrong. The commercial is simply saying that you should buy an alarm system so that when a stalker breaks into your house intent on finally ending your life, a shrill alarm will convince him to run away. Somehow I think a restraining order might be a better route to take. Or, better yet, a large dog and a shotgun. That’ll send those no good ex-husbands running, just ask any female country singer. Or you could always take the Jennifer Lopez route and get really buff so you can kick the dude’s ass and look cool doing it, even though he’s twice your size and no number of ab crunches is going to change that.

In conclusion, I’m saying “Enough!”…of these terrible worst case scenario ads.

Broadview Security operators: the only trustworthy men around

My friends and I often made jokes about what might have been in that one package Tom Hanks refused to open in Cast Away. What if it was an inflatable raft, or a gun or whatever? Well, little did I know until today, FedEx was way ahead of us. They did a commercial about this very concept, which admittedly could be better if they’d gotten the original cast members to act it out, but it’s still really funny. Check it out!

Castaway FedEx ad

The Canada tourism board or some shit (slogan: Keep Exploring) has been advertising Canadian travel with short, cryptic home video clips showing travelers having surreal and/or amazing experiences. But instead of inspiring me to book a vacation in the Great White North, they frighten me and remind me of horrific moments in Cloverfield. The following link will take you to a collection of all of the videos. I particularly recommend “Iceberg,” “Jimmy versus the whale” and the truly terrifying “Seal on kayak.”

Watch the videos

You know those creepy Pledge cleaning product ads, where some faceless British-sounding narrator diabolically traps innocent women in glass boxes with furniture in them, and forces them to clean against their will? At the end of this one, the woman even knocks and asks if she can go home.

In another of these ads, a woman’s white couch is lowered into the room covered with black cats. In a recent one, the disembodied man in charge tells a mother to clean an entire room, despite her protestations that she has to pick her kids up. Then at the end she leans her hand on it, and the narrator clears his throat and, with fright, the woman quickly wipes the spot her hand had made.

Does this remind anybody else of the evil Jigsaw dude in the atrocious Saw movies? Here’s the trailer for the second film to refresh your memory.

I keep expecting the Pledge narrator to say, “Come on, Emily. With the cleaning power of Pledge, you’ll have plenty of time to pick your kids up. Now where did I put that bottle of Pledge? Oh right. It’s embedded behind your left eyeball! It’s your choice, Emily. Use the feather duster I’ve left you to gouge your eye out and clean the room, or the kids die!”

Seriously. These cleaning product people have issues.