I personally never had a problem using a bowl, and if my kids ever did, I would tell them to learn to use a damn bowl, not buy them a gravity-proof vessel like the Gyro Bowl. But then again, I’m not stupid.

Best line: “Look, it’s not even spilling pudding on my mom’s favorite cashmere sweater!” What’s that little demon child doing eating pudding over her mom’s sweater anyway? Seems like she’ll find a way to ruin the sweater despite the bowl, because she is evil. Just look in her eyes.

I also must take issue with the name of this product, because when I read it I think of a delicious Middle Eastern meal. Blatant false advertising, because I doubt this so-called Gyro Bowl comes with savory slices of greasy lamb included, and if it did I would be worried.

Oh, and here’s the company’s website, if you just can’t wait to go out and buy one of these magical devices.

This is the best video I could find, but since it’s off the website it’s all auto-starty and small. Sorry about that. If you see a better version on YouTube or whatnot, do let me know!

*Update: The video was too annoying so I took it out. Just click over to the company’s website to watch the ad.

A few readers spoke, and millions more probably intended to but never got around to it, and finally the winners have become clear to me! The best and worst ads of 2009 are…

Best: The Shake Weight!

Worst: Windows 7 Launch Party!

I couldn’t have picked better winners myself! The Windows 7 Launch Party ads were truly horrendous, and the Shake Weight has provided us all with hours of unintentional entertainment. Worthy recipients, these.

Thanks for voting!!

The final entry in our list of the worst ads of the year is the series of Windows 7 “Launch Party” infomercials. Just. Awful.

The Shake Weight had to have a place in the top five ads of the year, if only because it’s so obviously making visual reference to masturbation. When I wrote about the ad a little more than a month ago, I couldn’t decide which version was better, and I still can’t. The female one looks just as pornographic as the male one, so I will nominate both ads equally.

The third nominee for 2009’s best ad of the year is a little infomercial that stole my heart. The product being advertised, the Slap Chop, isn’t that amazing, and the original ad, while wacky, wasn’t all that interesting either. But then a DJ named Steve Porter did a funny remix, and the Slap Chop people decided to go with it for a new version of their ad. It was a gutsy move, but it paid off.

I don’t know if Windows is trying to be tongue in cheek or what, but their recent ads have been pretty lame. There’s more humor in a Magic Bullet ad, and even if the ad were funny, computer shit is boring. Nobody is going to throw a launch party for Windows 7, so basically, they’re just sitting there wasting our time, for no reason other than to be creepy.

I have been trying to track down this commercial for a while, and success is finally mine! Okay, it was a pretty stupid ad to begin with, but I still feel a sense of satisfaction in having achieved my goal. Presenting….the Spongetech SpongeBob Sponge.

Jon Stewart did a great bit involving this bizarre shaking exercise weight commercial on The Daily Show last night, and I just had to share the glory of this amazing product. This vibrating barbell is called “The Shake Weight,” and its ad is quite, er, suggestive.

Apparently, there’s also a female version, which is just as hilariously wrong and pornographic-looking.

I don’t know who thought it was a good idea to name a family-friendly product something that sounds exactly like “Titty,” but somehow it happened. Meet The Tiddy Bear. This is a bear-shaped seatbelt cushion that you position face-down in your boobs (or shoulder, etc.), as demonstrated in the infomercial below. So I guess you could say it motorboats motorists (ba-dum)!

The Tiddy Bear is getting fresh with those drivers

This ad is just plain confusing. The company appears to be selling regular toothbrushes, but calling them revolutionary. And at $14.95 for 4 (not including shipping), they’re more expensive than far superior brushes you can buy pretty much anywhere. What the hell were the makers of The Easy Toothbrush thinking? They would get laughed out of the Dragons’ Den in five minutes.

The best part of an infomercial is always the scene of everyday people struggling with even the most basic tasks. This montage includes some of my favorite before moments, like the old woman who can’t find her car (you’ll see what I mean).

For this week’s spotlight ad, I have chosen the second installment in the Magic Bullet trilogy, which focuses on a portable version of the device known as the Magic Bullet To Go. Some highlights include:

-A much-needed dash of sarcastic, self-referential comedy, i.e. “with what, your ‘magic bullet’?”

-The fact that the hosts’ friends are truly befuddled by the device at first…more than usual.

-Everyone seems confused when the hungover smoking lady, Hazel (my favorite character from the first MB infomercial) shows up on their camping trip. Plus, she emerges from the tent of the slob character, Berman…ew! You can see their sexual chemistry in action in the photo above.

-The hosts remember what the characters like in their pancakes, which shows some nice continuity from the first MB ad. But the way the male host mentions picking fresh blueberries for the (seemingly married) friend is a little sleazy.

-The Barney character speaks very passive-aggressively and condescendingly to his wife. When she acknowledges that chopping garlic is a pain, he mutters, “how would you know?” and when he talks about having to chop onions, he glumly states, “I think she just likes to see me cry.”

You can view all three parts of the ad (each of which takes place in a different vacation destination) below. The action starts at the 2:30 mark in the first video.

I was a huge fan of the original Magic Bullet infomercial, as many people were, and my best friend and I once drunkenly tried to order one, but the customer service rep was so annoying, asking if my friend (who made the call) wanted to buy other products over and over, that we hung up. In the sober light of day, we were glad we didn’t spend like $120 on a blender, but it seemed like an awesome idea at the time.

Anyway, as you probably know, the makers of the magic bullet have come out with pretty much the same an entirely new machine, the Bullet Express! And with it comes an all-new ad, which is almost as funny as the original. I liked the chain-smoking hungover woman in the original Magic Bullet infomercial, but alas, I don’t think she’s present in this installment. However, the sloppy overweight guy has returned, and this time he gets played big time when the hosts ask him to get a knife and a cutting board, then after it takes him like 5 minutes to do that, they tell him never mind, they don’t need his help. The look of befuddlement and anger on his face is gold.

But the real star of the new ad is Granny, who gets really angry right at the beginning of the ad when she finds out there isn’t food ready. She really seems like she hates the stars. Is she the female host’s grandmother? She doesn’t have an Australian accent, so she must be. Maybe she didn’t approve of her daughter’s marriage to this Aussie pitchman. Either way, I’m inspired by her bitchiness.

And what happens to the kids that we see enter in the beginning? Maybe they’re making margaritas with the original Magic Bullet in the playroom.

And according to the source of the video below, InfomercialReviewer, this is actually the third infomercial. I’ll have to do some research into the installment I haven’t seen and get back to you. Score!

The Bullet Express, starring Granny

My friends and I tried out the ridiculous Hawaii Chair (or an imitation chair) at Brookstone once, and it was exactly as silly and pointless as it looks. Ellen Degeneres did a great piece on these hilarious chairs which I also recommend, but the video below is the original ad, in all its bizarre glory.

The Hawaii Chair