Now this is a nice commercial! Way better than Baskin-Robbins‘ previous ad featuring the unintentionally hilarious slogan “Don’t be so vanilla.”
Okay, so this is technically not an ad, but who cares, it’s hilarious. The following video is an employee training guide for employees of Chuck E. Cheese’s Pizza Time Theater, which looks like it was made sometime around 1985. The part that will really trip you out, especially if you are in some way, ahem, impaired, starts around the 5:40 mark.
Chuck E. Cheese walkabout character training video
Thanks to ShowBizPizza.com for the video!
Every Tuesday night used to be Kid’s Night at Pizza Hut, and it was a very special tradition indeed, as anyone over the age of 20 or so probably remembers. The fast food pizza chain was more of a sit-down restaurant then, with salad bars and comfy booths, and on Kid’s Night, they really went all out. There were games, prizes, free copies of Nickelodeon Magazine (with which they had a major tie-in), and all kinds of other diversions. That’s where I got my Back to the Future 2 futuristic sunglasses and my tape of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fake tour album “Coming out of their Shells,” among other treasures.
This ad takes me back, and it has a special bonus plug for Darkwing Duck at the end.
I really dislike this whole unfunny humor trend in advertising. Everyone seems to think the way to get young, hip audiences to buy their product is to imitate the whole Judd Apatow/Will Ferrell humorless comedy sensibility. But it’s one thing to watch an R-rated movie and chuckle at how stupid Will Ferrell’s character is, and quite another to watch a TV commercial. Nobody’s looking to commercials for their daily dose of comedy (unless it’s unintentional).
This Sonic commercial is a perfect example. It’s chock full of unfunny humor that will make you cringe with its self-conscious randomness. I’m sorry the video is a disaster, but it’s all I could find.
I was already surprised to see that Denny’s was embracing stoner mascots like the rasta unicorn in their recent series of Allnighter (meaning late night menu) ads, which I discussed here, but today I took a gander at their official Allnighter website. Dear god!
I’ve spent time at Denny’s late at night, and as I recall, their late night menu used to be pretty lame. But now they’re trying to make it super cool and hip, so not only do they have a crazy, “youthful” looking site with music downloads and all kinds of stuff, but apparently they’re also letting cheesy guest musicians design their “Rockstar Menu.” Yes, finally your lifelong dream of eating something Sum 41 came up with can become a reality.
The items definitely seem like things rock musicians with no culinary talent would come up with. A breakfast sandwich sprinkled with powdered sugar for no reason (the Sumwich, pictured above, which kind of sounds like “Sumbitch”), a pile of random toast and crap smothered in gravy, etc. The only thing that sounds reasonably good is the burrito Good Charlotte supposedly invented. It even comes with a Boca Burger option for vegetarians, and anything served with a side of ranch for dipping is OK by me. So congratulations, Good Charlotte! Apparently the Madden dudes have at least some good taste, not counting their involvement with Paris Hilton.
And since I already posted the stoned unicorn commercial, here’s another Denny’s classic that weed lovers will be equally amused by:
The Denny’s all nighter ads are pretty interesting. They portray a dinosaur, a unicorn, a leprechaun, and a normal looking dude enjoying a late night munchie session at Wendy’s. And they seem baked. The unicorn is an obvious Rasta, and his eyes are nearly shut he’s so stoned. The other ones may merely be along for the ride, but the whole thing seems to be a nod to the fact that late night Denny’s customers are more often than not…what’s the word…baked. Well, bravo, Denny’s! I’m proud of them for having the balls to acknowledge their target audience.
I completely understand giving an Edible Arrangements bouquet o’ fruit to, say, somebody in your office on their birthday. Then the whole department can chow down on the massive pile of artistically carved fruit. But recent ads of theirs have been suggesting giving one to your dad for Father’s Day, and I have to wonder: can anyone eat that much fruit before it goes bad? It’s all cut up already, so it probably doesn’t have a very long shelf life, and I personally could only eat so much before I would be kind of sick of it. I suppose you could blend it into a smoothie, and of course the family will be pitching in, but it still seems like an awkward gift. Plus they start at $40, I think, which is a bit much for fruit. Just go to the grocery store, spend thee bucks on as much fruit as you can eat, and make a fruit salad. Seriously. Now if they made a bouquet out of tacos or beers, I’d pay attention.
Here’s the Father’s Day clip (as a belated nod to the holiday), followed by another of their ads that’s a little funnier. The woman sounds like she’s a little slow.
By now, you’ve probably all seen the ads for the Domino’s Bread Bowl Pasta meals. It looks like the carb pendulum has swung violently in the other direction since the days of lettuce-wrapped burgers and burrito bowls. In fact, I’m surprised Domino’s was ballsy enough to promote such carb-heavy food items, but they seem to be selling well enough. I’ve read a few blogger taste test reviews, and most of them seem to be positive. I might even try one of these bread bowls on a drunken night in the late future. I don’t think I could handle one of these things sober. It would blow my mind.
Anyway, despite all of the coverage, I have yet to locate any videos of the bread bowl commercials. Drop a comment if you find one! In the meantime, here’s a great writeup on the subject from Gastrochic, appropriately entitled “The Advent of Evil.”
First of all, kudos to whoever captured the glorious image above, and whoever created the amazing invention pictured. That is indeed a ranch dressing fountain. What I wouldn’t give for one of those…think how easily you could coat a pizza slice!
Anyway, the recent commercials for Hidden Valley Ranch are quite disturbing. They present a terrifying dystopia wherein children and teenagers are doing normal everyday activities, like eating junk food, but all of the junk food has been replaced by similar-looking vegetables. The first ad takes place at the fair and includes a salad eating contest, among other out-of-place scenes. But the second ad is even more bizarre, showing children apparently pleased that their piñata is filled not with delicious candy, but with individually wrapped vegetables. This seems like something that would happen in one of those time travel stories when somebody accidentally kills the guy who invented candy or something. Noooooooo!
The new “Go Meat” ads for Hillshire Farm have all the makings of an obnoxious ad campaign…a repetitive military-style chant, a catch phrase that could easily be considered laughable (or evil, if you’re in PETA), and so forth. But I don’t really mind them, especially the one pasted below, which takes place on an airplane. I like how it doesn’t try to be too slick or too wacky, and the actors are pretty inoffensive. Take a look:
As I’ve previously mentioned, I love anything and everything related to chickens. I just think they’re neat. And this (Australian, I think) ad for Domino’s is by far the best chicken-related commercial I’ve seen, not to mention one of the awesomest ads I’ve ever seen, period.
I think the Quizno’s oven has gotten to Baskin-Robbins. No video for this one, apologies. But as the screen capture above (and a visit to the Baskin-Robbins website) will prove, the ice cream makers have adopted a new tagline (replacing the perhaps too challenging “Yay!”), “Don’t Be So Vanilla!”
I don’t know if “vanilla” has taken on additional meanings over the years, but as far as I know, it means one thing: sexually unadventurous. What is Baskin-Robbins trying to tell us? That we need to start experimenting with sex toys, new positions, and bisexuality? Because that’s what it sounds like they’re saying.
I couldn’t locate a video of the new Pop-Tarts ad, but I’m sure you know the one I mean. It’s a sequel to their creepy tap dancing cartoon kid commercial, but this time a whole group of kids has assembled for a day of summer fun. And by summer fun, I mean a pile of fattening treats made with pop-tarts. The mother designs a diabolical series of desserts including the following: pop-tart ice cream sandwiches (at least she breaks one tart in half and doesn’t try to give the kids two at a time), bowls of ice cream with pop tarts sticking out of them, and the weirdest of all, pop tarts on a stick. This I have never heard of, and it sounds neither appetizing nor functional.
I was already annoyed when Pop-Tarts started covering all of their toaster-ready treats with frosting and sprinkles. Yuck! I prefer mine plain. The only varieties that benefit from that treatment are the super-sweet ones like S’mores. But anyway, they were unhealthy enough covered in all that gross frosting, and now the company thinks a good way to combat the childhood obesity epidemic is to bury their already sugary product in ice cream? It’s sick. If I had a kid I wouldn’t let them have nary not a Pop-Tart (I know that’s bad grammar, I just like saying it that way).
Update: While continuing to look for that crappy new ad, I came across this awesome Pop-Tarts Rap, made by some kid named Mike. It’s gold! It even points out that if you don’t like Pop-Tarts, you’re most likely a fart.
Another bad grammar alert, this time from the crappy meat slinging chain known as Outback Steakhouse. Their new slogan is “Live Adventurous.” Clearly they have never played Mad Libs (the best game in the universe), because if they had they’d know that an adverb, which modifies a verb like, say, “live,” typically ends in -ly. “Live Adventurously” makes sense. “Live Adventurous” makes my brain hurt.
Here’s one of the grammatically infuriating commercials.
I couldn’t resist posting some more hilarious Perdue commercials. To be fair, I love chickens so to me anything chicken-related (even those new Ambien CR ads) is funny. But these are gold, trust me.