This time Charmin has gone too far! Unsatisfied with merely giving us recurring nightmares after watching bears criticize their family members’ levels of ass cleanliness, they have decided to go in for the kill by inventing a new fetish: a bear/toilet paper fetish! At least I think it’s new. Nah, there’s probably already a whole porn subgenre for it.

Also, what kind of slogan is “Enjoy the Go”? That is disgusting.

I am not a fan of the animated bears that have been the face of Charmin for the past couple of years. For one thing, they remind me of the Berenstain Bears, but how to wipe my ass is one thing I never wanted that delightful bear family to teach me. For another, these bears seem perfectly content to crap out in the open, with toilet paper hanging from a nearby tree. If you’re going to humanize them to the point where they use toilet paper, at least give them a stall. Here’s one of the most disturbing ones:

The Charmin Bears