A few readers spoke, and millions more probably intended to but never got around to it, and finally the winners have become clear to me! The best and worst ads of 2009 are…

Best: The Shake Weight!

Worst: Windows 7 Launch Party!

I couldn’t have picked better winners myself! The Windows 7 Launch Party ads were truly horrendous, and the Shake Weight has provided us all with hours of unintentional entertainment. Worthy recipients, these.

Thanks for voting!!

Before you all sneak away for Christmas vacation, I’d thought I’d throw the second poll out. Here are the finalists for the biggest steaming pile of advertising feces excreted in 2009. The finalists are…

*Latisse

*Philips Colon Health

*The Double Down Sandwich (KFC)

*Feed the Pig

* Windows 7 Launch Party

Now kindly vote below, and have a wonderful holiday!

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Finally, the time has come to decide once and for all which ad least turned our collective stomachs this year. To refresh your memory, the five nominees are…

* The Quizno’s Toasty Torpedo

* Sweet Million (NY Lottery)

* The Slap Chop Remix

* The Shake Weight

* Nannerpuss (Denny’s)

Now vote, readers, vote!

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“You can call me Nannerpuss, Nannerpuss…and guess what, I love pancakes!”

You sure do, Nannerpuss.

(P.S. This is a Denny’s ad that I originally wrote about here.)

The final entry in our list of the worst ads of the year is the series of Windows 7 “Launch Party” infomercials. Just. Awful.

The Shake Weight had to have a place in the top five ads of the year, if only because it’s so obviously making visual reference to masturbation. When I wrote about the ad a little more than a month ago, I couldn’t decide which version was better, and I still can’t. The female one looks just as pornographic as the male one, so I will nominate both ads equally.

I’m not sure exactly when these Feed the Pig ads started, but I’m fairly sure it was this year. Either way, they’re stupid. I think they’re supposed to be public service announcements encouraging people to save money, but the only thing they’re successful at is giving me nightmares. That freaky pig needs to go away.

The third nominee for 2009’s best ad of the year is a little infomercial that stole my heart. The product being advertised, the Slap Chop, isn’t that amazing, and the original ad, while wacky, wasn’t all that interesting either. But then a DJ named Steve Porter did a funny remix, and the Slap Chop people decided to go with it for a new version of their ad. It was a gutsy move, but it paid off.

The terrifying beast of a “food” item known as the Double Down sandwich has to be the most daring creation unleashed by KFC since the Famous Bowl. It might even top that famed bowl, due to the pure audacity of their attempting to rethink the entire sandwich by putting the meat on the outside. I’ve thought of things like this while in a drunken stupor, but kudos to them for making it a reality.

I apologize for the shitty quality of the video below.

Who will get the Don Draper award for best ad of the year? Only you can decide, and this week’s nominee is in the cuddly-cute category.

I can’t decide which “Sweet Million” ad from the New York Lottery is cuter, so here are both of them, equally nominated. No further explanation is necessary in this case.

FYI: the original posts relating to these ads are here and here.

Second in our continuing series of terrible ads is Philips Colon Health, which earned a spot on the worst list by being completely shameless about discussing, well, colon health. It’s one thing to tastefully let us know that there’s a product to help our ass worries, but it’s quite another to act like the people in the video below.

Don Draper would approve

With their recent Hillbilly Hot Tub spot and their involvement (however unwilling) with Playboy’s “Two Girls, One Sub” fauxmercial, Quizno’s has had quite a year. But nothing topped their horny oven ad. It’s bizarre and amazingly suggestive, and I love it. Even though Quizno’s sandwiches are kind of gross.

It’s that time of year at last, the time where we all look back at the trainwreck of a year we just survived and rummage through the debris for something worth praising or mocking. That, or writing best and worst lists on crappy internet sites. For now, I’m working on the worst, and my first nominee is….

Latisse!

This one’s a no-brainer (or a no-eyeballer, depending on the side effects). The idea that anyone would want to take a bunch of pills to make their eyelashes grow is really creepy. I’ll bet they’re real estate agents and office managers and shit too…nothing glamorous.

There will be a poll thingy to vote on the worst ads at the end of the year!