Have you seen this obnoxious-as-hell commercial for the admittedly tasty cereal Cinnamon Toast Crunch? Warning: it will make you never want to use the internet again.
Well I finally figured out who this bitch reminds me of! Did you see that episode of Intervention where that girl Allison is addicted to huffing computer cleaner? Check it out. It’s totally the same person! That explains why she falls over after eating her Cinnamon Toast Crunch, I guess.
Every time this Bisquick commercial comes on, with its ridiculous “Blueberry Pancake” song (higher quality audio version here), I laugh because it reminds me so much of Sarah Silverman’s song “Pancakes Please.” Here are the two videos so you can compare for yourself (sorry about the low video quality).
You know that travel show Globe Trekker, where some young and charismatic person travels to an exotic (or sometimes not so exotic) location in the world and walks around and talks to locals and sees the sights? I always think I’d be good at that show, except when I remember that occasionally there is mountain-climbing involved. Hell to the no, or rather, no to the thank you.
My favorite cast member on this show is definitely Suffolk-born Ian Wright, who is both charming and British. He always seems to have such a good time, and everything he says sounds cooler because, you know, he’s British. Well apparently the people of Aruba wanted a piece of that too, because they’ve cast him in their new “One Happy Island” tourism campaign. Glad to see him getting work! For some reason the tourism board’s website doesn’t have the ad up yet (even though there are a ton of those Lewis Black commercials archived), so in the meantime, here’s a press release and a clip of Ian being hungover in Globe Trekker.
Update: The ads have been posted! I guess they have been for a month and a half, but, you know, I’m lazy. The first one is embedded below but the rest are at the ArubaTourism YouTube channel.
Guy Ritchie and sexy Jude Law teamed up for this long commercial (it’s more like a mini-movie) for Dior Homme, a fragrance. It is very nicely directed and sexy and stylish and all that you’d expect from a Guy Ritchie short, but am I the only one who is still sort of confused by the plot at the end? Thanks to Holy Moly! for posting it in this article.
This time Charmin has gone too far! Unsatisfied with merely giving us recurring nightmares after watching bears criticize their family members’ levels of ass cleanliness, they have decided to go in for the kill by inventing a new fetish: a bear/toilet paper fetish! At least I think it’s new. Nah, there’s probably already a whole porn subgenre for it.
Also, what kind of slogan is “Enjoy the Go”? That is disgusting.
You’ve probably heard Dorothy Parker’s famous quote, “Men seldom make passes. At girls who wear glasses.” Well, apparently Acuvue agrees, as evidenced by their new “1 Day” ad wherein a teenaged girl sighs that one day the boy of her dreams will notice her. It turns out that day is the same day she gets rid of her nerdy nerd glasses. They should instead show a cute hipster guy saying “Nice glasses,” which is what will happen once this girl gets to college.
Obviously Axe has never shied away from provocative subject matter in its commercials. The male-targeted body care line is all about sex, and usually finds clever ways to sell the idea of smelling like a frat guy. But this ad really takes the cake. I hope that every man who’s bathing himself knows how to clean his balls, but I’m sure ladies everywhere appreciate the public service announcement.
There are so many ridiculous Just For Men commercials, from the one where the little girls beg their dad to get out there and start dating again (then creepily ask for all the details when he gets home) to the one where the office worker rides a zipline using his tie in order to dye his hair and impress some clients. Get some self esteem, old dudes!
But this one has to be the most ridiculous. It’s like a scene out of a wacky teen movie, except instead of a 19-year old hottie it stars a middle aged loser.
What in the name of Sharia Law? This Snazzy Napper is a very bad idea for many reasons. For one, it looks stupid. Its website also suggests you use this facekerchief in public places, such as mass transit systems, which can only be the suggestion of someone who’s never lived in the city. This kind of foolishness will get you mugged, beat up or both before you have a chance to take your precious nap. And that’s another thing…who needs sleep this badly? Just go to bed when you get home like everyone else, jackass.
Nowadays, if an advertisement even remotely suggests that using it is any less comfortable than getting a blow job from Jesus himself, it doesn’t air. But back in the early 90s, according to this commercial for an epilator called Epilady, you could come right out and say that not only was it mildly uncomfortable to use the product, it was downright painful! They even reinforce this notion with a catchphrase at the end, “No pain no gain, right?” Things have certainly changed on Madison Avenue.
I have been waiting for someone to upload this video for a while. It really speaks for itself, but let me just say this: if my shoes ever got fresh with me like that, I would throw them out the window and call a priest. For serious.
I’m a bit weirded out by the latest ad from Huggies, which is trying to branch out into fashionable diapers for no apparent reason. I mean, the baby doesn’t care, and any parent who cares about fashion will hopefully not be parading their young ones around in diapers only. But whatever, everyone likes novelty, and I guess these jean diapers are pretty cute. The product is not the problem here, let’s just put it that way. It’s the creepy way in which it’s marketed.
First of all, the baby (who speaks in voice over in a sexy Latin Lover accent) starts off by telling us that his diaper is full…of chic (other ads have him saying “…of fashion”). But by the time he got to the “…of chic” part, I had already vomited up the dinner I was trying to consume. I don’t want to hear about poop-filled diapers ever, which is one of the many many reasons I don’t plan on ever reproducing.
The ad continues with other references to crapping (“I poo in blue”) then ends with a tagline that seems like a stoned intern came up with it: “The coolest you’ll look pooping your pants.” WOW. I have to hand it to Huggies, at least it isn’t boring or saccharine, and in fact it’s kind of funny. But I’d have to disagree with them that it’s the coolest they’ll ever look pooping their pants. If that baby were dressed in a fabulous Armani suit, an elegant evening gown or even a jean diaper with a slightly darker wash, he’d look a whole lot cooler.
Now I’ve seen everything! Just now I was enjoying a fine episode of The View on Hulu when an ad started playing, as will often happen when I’m trying to watch online videos. I was prepared to lower the volume and look away to avoid being subjected to yet another car ad when suddenly I spotted out of the corner of my eye something I really didn’t expect.
The ad in question was for Coffee Mate, which I find to be delicious. But the scene in question, just a brief shot (around the 14 second mark), was not of a thirty-something woman cuddling up with a cat or sipping her coffee thoughtfully in a bay window. No, it was a direct reference to one of my favorite scenes in the influential French New Wave film Band of Outsiders (French title: Bande à part) by Jean-Luc Godard! If you’ve seen the film, you’ll remember the notable scene where the trio of protagonists performs a choreographed dance in a café while the narrator discusses what they’re thinking about. Well, here they are dancing the exact same dance and dressed in period outfits, and the actress playing the Anna Karina role really does resemble her! But why are there two people and not three? Oh well, can’t win ‘em all. Maybe the threesome implications of the film were too daring for modern audiences?
Anyway, here is the ad, and below it the original scene.
Everyone’s favorite Cootie Queen, the actress whose name I believe is Jessie Meriwether, was memorable in her very important role as the mistress in the Orbit Gum ad, as well as her catch phrase, “you lint licker!” I’ve pasted the commercial below in case your memory is as as gin-soaked as mine.
Now this sassy Southern belle has returned in a role as a woman stuck in traffic in the latest commercial for the annoying search engine Bing. I’m not sure why I felt the need to point this out, but it’s always weird when commercial people are in other commercials. It’s like if Flo from Progressive was in another commercial. I’d feel betrayed.
