This old and much-aired ad for the ASPCA is just too sad. Sarah McLachlan I could do without, but until then I’m torn between joy at seeing cute animals and sadness that the world is so cruel. Talk about effective advertising!
I have been trying to track down this annoying McDonalds ad for their new McCafé product (which, as far as I can tell, is just coffee). I guess they’re trying to compete with Starbucks, but it’s not going to work. Nobody wants to lounge in a room that smells like fryer grease. Plus, in New York at least, the McDonaldses are always filled with shady characters and bums trying to use the bathroom to take a bum shower, so I certainly wouldn’t feel safe taking my laptop in there. Stick to making mediocre fast food, McDonalds. Okay, I like their fries, but for anything else I’m going to White Castle.
Anyway, I can’t stand the way they accent the end of every word in this ad. They had to know how goofy it sounded. As I’ve said before, they should really release a darker version where they say things like Puké! and Suicidé!
Another commercial from the TMI file, this is the original Pepto Bismol song and dance commercial. And by dance, I mean the dancers mime various digestive problems. It’s bizarre and disturbing, but now that Pepto has moved on to other advertising tactics, I kind of miss the dancing spots. Strange how that happens.
I wonder why 9 Lives isn’t making their Morris the Cat ads anymore. Maybe the pet food industry is suffering along with everyone else, but I can’t believe that cats and dogs are eating any less than they did before. Here are some of Morris’ cutest moments.
My ads of the week haven’t exactly been regularly spaced out, you might have noticed, but so be it. This is a particularly disturbing new ad spot for Viking Pest, a pest control company. I think they stole their mascot from my nightmares.
…but the new ads for CapTel telephone services crack me up. This is an invention that’s meant to translate what’s being said over the phone for older people who are hard of hearing. But the actor they hired to play Grandpa plays it like he’s Post-Lobotomy Grandpa. My favorite part is when he slurs, “Hi Jessie.” I know, I’m a bitch.
In my haste to big up the K9 Advantix puppy, I almost forgot about the equally cute Cottonelle puppy. Granted, this dog has a major mark against him, namely the fact that he is creepily obsessed with asses. But he’s still cute as hell.
Update: A big thank you to reader Nora who pointed out (in the comments below) that the voice of the puppy is none other than Zach Braff from TV’s Scrubs! So strange, but it kinda makes sense.
I’m a sucker for adorable animals in commercials, and these puppy-related ads are no exception. I don’t really know what K9 Advantix is, but their mascot is a keeper. Here are a couple of the Advantix puppy’s cutest moments.
This ad for the hair volumizing tool Bumpits is the best. If I ever “rock a pony,” do me a favor and put me out of my misery.
I couldn’t locate a video of the new Pop-Tarts ad, but I’m sure you know the one I mean. It’s a sequel to their creepy tap dancing cartoon kid commercial, but this time a whole group of kids has assembled for a day of summer fun. And by summer fun, I mean a pile of fattening treats made with pop-tarts. The mother designs a diabolical series of desserts including the following: pop-tart ice cream sandwiches (at least she breaks one tart in half and doesn’t try to give the kids two at a time), bowls of ice cream with pop tarts sticking out of them, and the weirdest of all, pop tarts on a stick. This I have never heard of, and it sounds neither appetizing nor functional.
I was already annoyed when Pop-Tarts started covering all of their toaster-ready treats with frosting and sprinkles. Yuck! I prefer mine plain. The only varieties that benefit from that treatment are the super-sweet ones like S’mores. But anyway, they were unhealthy enough covered in all that gross frosting, and now the company thinks a good way to combat the childhood obesity epidemic is to bury their already sugary product in ice cream? It’s sick. If I had a kid I wouldn’t let them have nary not a Pop-Tart (I know that’s bad grammar, I just like saying it that way).
Update: While continuing to look for that crappy new ad, I came across this awesome Pop-Tarts Rap, made by some kid named Mike. It’s gold! It even points out that if you don’t like Pop-Tarts, you’re most likely a fart.
Those Disney ads where people open envelopes and let loose a torrent of balloons and fireworks freak me out. I guess they’re implying that getting a free day at Disneyland (or the slightly crappier Walt Disney World) is really awesome, which is true, but the way they execute it worries me. All these kids, parents, and animals in the ads seem transfixed by the indoor fireworks display, whereas in real life they’d be shrieking and diving for cover under the nearest piece of furniture. And then would come the lawsuits.
I thought Yaz was a dumb enough product as is, back when it was just a crappy birth control pill with delusions that it could cure PMS. But then they got busted by the FDA and had to issue a retraction commercial, and now they’re just ridiculous. I love the way they act as if it’s no big deal that they’ve been ordered to stop lying about the benefits of their drug. Yaz isn’t as bad as the pills that claim to stop your period, while still admitting that you will experience heavy spotting where your period used to be (and for the uninitiated or male, spotting just means getting your period). But it’s still annoying, especially because their name sucks. Yaz. Sounds like a newfangled way to say “yeah” to me.
Another bad grammar alert, this time from the crappy meat slinging chain known as Outback Steakhouse. Their new slogan is “Live Adventurous.” Clearly they have never played Mad Libs (the best game in the universe), because if they had they’d know that an adverb, which modifies a verb like, say, “live,” typically ends in -ly. “Live Adventurously” makes sense. “Live Adventurous” makes my brain hurt.
Here’s one of the grammatically infuriating commercials.
I couldn’t resist posting some more hilarious Perdue commercials. To be fair, I love chickens so to me anything chicken-related (even those new Ambien CR ads) is funny. But these are gold, trust me.
5. Smart-Allecky Talking Cereal, Frosted Mini-Wheats
4. The money you could be saving with Geico, Geico
3. The Burger King, Burger King
2. Mother Nature, Tampax
1. The Mucus People, Mucinex