This is an oldie but a goodie, and it just happens to be one of the most disturbing commercials ever made. This is a follow up to a popular Brawny commercial wherein the Brawny Man ices a cake and otherwise acts like the perfect man on his wife’s birthday. For some reason the Brawny company decided to go way off the deep end on this one…it’s like David Lynch and Michel Gondry collaborated on an abstract short about Freudian castration anxieties, and this was the result.
Has there ever been a better example of someone who’s way too concerned with what people think than the woman in the Glade (I’m sorry, Gladé) commercials lately? This character is so obsessed with people thinking she buys fancy French (“French…from France”) candles that she’s willing to lie to her friends and loved ones rather than confess she buys the grocery store shiz. But the lies don’t stop with the candles. At Christmastime, as you’ll see in the second ad, she is using the candle to pretend she baked fresh cookies, when in fact she only dumped out a bag of store brand cookies. What’s next? Lying about being on birth control to trap her husband? “I’m on that fancy French birth control…Yazé!”
Best moments: when a friend asks the woman if she’s baking a pie (in the first clip), and when she’s doing Yoga (in the third clip) and does a wacky double take upon being found out for the liar she is.
I am not a fan of the animated bears that have been the face of Charmin for the past couple of years. For one thing, they remind me of the Berenstain Bears, but how to wipe my ass is one thing I never wanted that delightful bear family to teach me. For another, these bears seem perfectly content to crap out in the open, with toilet paper hanging from a nearby tree. If you’re going to humanize them to the point where they use toilet paper, at least give them a stall. Here’s one of the most disturbing ones:
Beyond the obvious fact that that old woman shouldn’t be butting into these young ladies’ sex conversation, much less with her own gross input on vibrators, this product is a crock. These things (along with those vibrating cock rings all the condom companies sell at Walgreens) are just a waste of money, pure and simple. They’re only good for one or two uses, they’re incredibly weak and wouldn’t help anyone besides a blushing virgin, and for the money, you could buy an actual sex toy that works! Anyone who’s considering spending money on one of these bitches would be well advised to go to Babeland.com instead.
If you were born in the 90s, these will take you back. Even the ABC Kids bumper at the beginning of the first video gave me a childhood flashback moment.
This is a gem from back in the day. You can always count on Pillsbury for an adorably disturbing ad. This doesn’t hold a candle, however, to my all time favorite, which involved an older couple saying that experimenting in the kitchen was giving them ideas to experiment in other rooms, and the Pillsbury Doughboy suggestively dimmed the lights. That was just disgusting. I don’t want to think about pudgy middle aged flesh and biscuit dough.
But until I can locate a video of that disturbing moment in advertising history, we’ll have to make do with this hilarious rap.
You may have noticed that theme park chain Six Flags recently merged their two annoying mascots into one Super Jerk. Back when it was just the funny dancing old man, I didn’t mind the ads at all. In fact, they were a delight! Here’s the spot that started it all:
The old dancing man’s reign lasted for many long months, and it was good, even though the cognitive dissonance caused by the man’s old face and young body drove some mad.
Then the Six Flags people seemed to decide it was time to freshen up their image with some good old fashioned racism. Observe.
The Asian stereotype guy freaked me out enough, but even worse, the ads now began with even more obnoxious scenes of people attempting to have fun in terribly dull ways (i.e. waving hand puppets around and making noises). And to top it off, they didn’t even take away the most annoying part of the ads since the old man danced his first step….that goddamn Vengaboys song!
Anyway, I thought that would be the end of it, but no! Now they’ve gone and combined the two ad campaigns, eliminating the questionable aforementioned Asian stereotype mascot but retaining his catch phrase, “More flags, more fun!” Now they just have the old man doing it, and somehow when he talks he becomes about 100% less funny. See for yourself.
I can’t describe how disturbing I find the new Jacoby & Meyers ad. If you haven’t seen it, I apologize that I wasn’t able to locate a video of the offending commercial. Basically, it appears as if your very own television is experiencing technical difficulties: the absent remote control holder attempts to turn the TV on and off, flips channels, and generally tries everything they can to escape the omnipresent law firm’s logo.
In addition, the sound effects they use are so familiar to me, from things like the Interrogation Tapes from The L Word (fans will know what I’m talking about), that I get confused every time. I hate when I hear a familiar sound effect in a new context…it’s like how when I’m walking around the streets of New York and hear a cab pulling over and stopping the meter, I think the smoke monster from Lostis after me.
Have you seen the new Free Credit Report (dot com) TV ad where he sings about how “I married my dream girl, but she didn’t tell me her credit was bad…”?
Here’s a clip to refresh your memory.
I don’t like this ad. The guy is criticizing his wife for having bad credit, blaming her for their crappy living situation, even going so far as to say he wouldn’t have married her had he known about her credit rating, because then “he’d be a happy bachelor with a dog and a yard.”
The nerve of this man! As I recall from his previous ads, his credit ain’t so great either. A dude who works at a pirate restaurant and the Renaissance Fair shouldn’t complain.
