There are so many ridiculous Just For Men commercials, from the one where the little girls beg their dad to get out there and start dating again (then creepily ask for all the details when he gets home) to the one where the office worker rides a zipline using his tie in order to dye his hair and impress some clients. Get some self esteem, old dudes!
But this one has to be the most ridiculous. It’s like a scene out of a wacky teen movie, except instead of a 19-year old hottie it stars a middle aged loser.
What in the name of Sharia Law? This Snazzy Napper is a very bad idea for many reasons. For one, it looks stupid. Its website also suggests you use this facekerchief in public places, such as mass transit systems, which can only be the suggestion of someone who’s never lived in the city. This kind of foolishness will get you mugged, beat up or both before you have a chance to take your precious nap. And that’s another thing…who needs sleep this badly? Just go to bed when you get home like everyone else, jackass.
Nowadays, if an advertisement even remotely suggests that using it is any less comfortable than getting a blow job from Jesus himself, it doesn’t air. But back in the early 90s, according to this commercial for an epilator called Epilady, you could come right out and say that not only was it mildly uncomfortable to use the product, it was downright painful! They even reinforce this notion with a catchphrase at the end, “No pain no gain, right?” Things have certainly changed on Madison Avenue.
I have been waiting for someone to upload this video for a while. It really speaks for itself, but let me just say this: if my shoes ever got fresh with me like that, I would throw them out the window and call a priest. For serious.
I’m a bit weirded out by the latest ad from Huggies, which is trying to branch out into fashionable diapers for no apparent reason. I mean, the baby doesn’t care, and any parent who cares about fashion will hopefully not be parading their young ones around in diapers only. But whatever, everyone likes novelty, and I guess these jean diapers are pretty cute. The product is not the problem here, let’s just put it that way. It’s the creepy way in which it’s marketed.
First of all, the baby (who speaks in voice over in a sexy Latin Lover accent) starts off by telling us that his diaper is full…of chic (other ads have him saying “…of fashion”). But by the time he got to the “…of chic” part, I had already vomited up the dinner I was trying to consume. I don’t want to hear about poop-filled diapers ever, which is one of the many many reasons I don’t plan on ever reproducing.
The ad continues with other references to crapping (”I poo in blue”) then ends with a tagline that seems like a stoned intern came up with it: “The coolest you’ll look pooping your pants.” WOW. I have to hand it to Huggies, at least it isn’t boring or saccharine, and in fact it’s kind of funny. But I’d have to disagree with them that it’s the coolest they’ll ever look pooping their pants. If that baby were dressed in a fabulous Armani suit, an elegant evening gown or even a jean diaper with a slightly darker wash, he’d look a whole lot cooler.
Now I’ve seen everything! Just now I was enjoying a fine episode of The View on Hulu when an ad started playing, as will often happen when I’m trying to watch online videos. I was prepared to lower the volume and look away to avoid being subjected to yet another car ad when suddenly I spotted out of the corner of my eye something I really didn’t expect.
The ad in question was for Coffee Mate, which I find to be delicious. But the scene in question, just a brief shot (around the 14 second mark), was not of a thirty-something woman cuddling up with a cat or sipping her coffee thoughtfully in a bay window. No, it was a direct reference to one of my favorite scenes in the influential French New Wave film Band of Outsiders (French title: Bande à part) by Jean-Luc Godard! If you’ve seen the film, you’ll remember the notable scene where the trio of protagonists performs a choreographed dance in a café while the narrator discusses what they’re thinking about. Well, here they are dancing the exact same dance and dressed in period outfits, and the actress playing the Anna Karina role really does resemble her! But why are there two people and not three? Oh well, can’t win ‘em all. Maybe the threesome implications of the film were too daring for modern audiences?
Anyway, here is the ad, and below it the original scene.
Everyone’s favorite Cootie Queen, the actress whose name I believe is Jessie Meriwether, was memorable in her very important role as the mistress in the Orbit Gum ad, as well as her catch phrase, “you lint licker!” I’ve pasted the commercial below in case your memory is as as gin-soaked as mine.
Now this sassy Southern belle has returned in a role as a woman stuck in traffic in the latest commercial for the annoying search engine Bing. I’m not sure why I felt the need to point this out, but it’s always weird when commercial people are in other commercials. It’s like if Flo from Progressive was in another commercial. I’d feel betrayed.
I am not really sure what SNY is, but I think it has something to do with television and sports. Whatever it is, they have been using stereotypical Indian shopkeepers to sell their product (service?) for some time now, but their latest commercial is, dare I say it, brazen. Spoiler: it’s about balls.
I don’t know what to categorize this so-called EDAY as. It’s a project of Earth Day New York, if that helps. Anyway, it is encouraging people to be good to the environment or something, a noble cause, but they’re going about it all wrong.
Let’s start with the name. The campaign, both on the subway ads I originally spotted and on the official website, is riddled with references to the “E” in the name. Examples include “b the E,” “I am E” and “Talkin’ E.” Anybody who has any familiarity with the drug-related implications of this letter is bound to giggle at least once when perusing the copy. And it doesn’t immediately scream “Earth” to me either.
Secondly, the brilliant minds behind this project decided that they should make their models, spokespeople and other human representatives who were photographed pose while flashing what appears to be a gang sign. I guess they’re forming the letter “E,” but it doesn’t look right.
I don’t know what a ZigTech is, but Reebok has released it. I think it’s a shoe. Whatever the product is, the ad is clearly a ripoff of the music video for “E-Pro” by Beck. From the song to the animation, it’s all a direct copy. Is this supposed to appeal to Beck fans as a subtle nod, or are the ad folk assuming that not very many people saw the music video? I just don’t understand what goes through their minds.
Below is the commercial, followed by the original music video.
Yes, it’s yet another “Is that (fill in name of actor) in a (fill in brand name) commercial?” post. I can’t help it if every C-list actor out there is trying to cash in by becoming a corporate whore. I would do the same!
Anyway, actress Sherri Saum, who I know as the devious Holland in Gossip Girl (the woman who lives downstairs from Lily and pretended to have an affair with Rufus), is the new face of Kohl’s. I don’t know if my first choice for spokesperson would be a woman who, at least in this role, is synonymous with being a bitchy skank. But why not? Even slutty downstairs neighbors need someplace to shop. Kohl’s: The Homewrecker Store.
P.S. I don’t know what the YouTube video poster was smoking when they thought that was Flo from the Progressive ads opposite Sherri.
As a major Lost fan, I was shocked to see what looked like Dr. Pierre Chang (aka actor François Chau), the mysterious Dharma Initiative video narrator and father of Miles, starring in a commercial for Bud Light. He’s still playing a scientist with that John O’Hurley-ish dry wit, so it’s even more Lost-seeming.
If you’re like me, you’re counting the weeks until HBO’s True Blood returns from its hiatus, and these teasing posters don’t make the wait any easier! You can click on the images below to go to each poster’s merchandise store page, if you’re so inclined.
